Friday, June 24, 2011


It has been a day. I didn't think we would still be standing five years later after multiple medical procedures, surgeries, diagnosis, bundles of medical supplies and yet, here we are. On Emma's 5th birthday, at a VACTERL conference. At a VACTERL conference. Finally. I was really struggling to hold it together tonight-finally meeting some of the moms, in person, that I have known for years online....its simply amazing. I thank God for facebook and yahoo because I would have not found my support without the power of the internet. I love my family to pieces and they have been supportive in every way. But...I still needed an outlet to bounce off ideas/frustrations/tears to and I found that over a laptop keyboard. I just don't have words for it. And my friend Becca giving her the barbie and her horse...I bawled when we got back to our room. That was so very thoughtful and Emma is clutching it as she drifts off to sleep.
In the days after she was born, after the morphine and perocet had worn off, I was presented with a reality that I did not have a "normal" child. I was bitter, angry, sad, scared....feelings that shouldn't happen when you have a new baby. I didn't see her until she was 4 days old, I didn't get to hold her until she was a week old, didn't get to hold her without any leads/tubes/pumps until the day she came home from the NICU. And the VACTERL diagnosis....I thought it was the end of all things. And I did for awhile when we practically lived at the hospital those first couple of months. But when I crawled out from under my shell and was shocked at first to even find other mom's in the same boat as me and even more shocked that our kids were months apart, I suddenly didn't feel so alone, and bitter, and angry. Having VACTERL has been a blessing-I would have never known some of these moms and dads had my child been born with a correct anatomy and girly parts. Its been worth all the tears, the surgeries, the trips to Ohio to make Emma who she is today. Happy birthday to my little Emma Rose....hope your 5th birthday was one to remember.


Kiki said...

aww your daughter is adorable! she is beautiful and pure inside as well as out, and nobody can change that!

Anonymous said...

If you have got chronic problems you should pray nightly, go back to your place of worship. Only by doing the right things will the gods allow improvement, and only through attonement will they allow progress. You know all the evil you've committed in your life. Observing your parent's issues will help you understand what you've done in a prior life, for the gods reincarnate based on this legacy.

A good example of societal decay and how the gods manage their culpability is birth defects. In the past the gods occassionally punished people by divinely creating birth defects in the womb. Now, with the advent of biotechnology, they tempt the mother with "earning" and compell her to take a substance in utero which deforms the fetus, dispelling the gods of blame and future compensation to the disfavored. Incidentally, they use liberal policies in today's socio-political environment to pay for these individuals, ensuring a lifetime wasted, for they have no hope for progress. Too often in the past they were mercifully killed by loved ones and upon reincarnation brought back without this handicap, allowing them a chance to achieve progress immediately.
The gods are washing their hands of culpability.
The gods are washing their hands of Planet Earth.

The gods have no sexual organs. The reproduce via cloning. They don't respect sex. You can understand this clue with how the most disfavored around us behave sexually and the use of promiscuity among the young people.
The gods take children because of their innocence and purity. When a child ascends into heaven AI relieves them of this temptation that is their sexual organs.

Much like the immigration issue, the reason Muslims cover their women isn't because of the god's REAL reason. Sex is the African's biggest problem, and concealing their women allows the gods to justify containing men's behavior.
In the 60s and 70s the discussion was public that how women dressed caused their own sexual assault and rape. And this is very much true. In today's society these men have release, the women are sluts, for if they continued to dress this way without conceeding sexual relations there would be far more incidents than are reported.
Women are to blame for the deterioration and decay of society and will be responsible for the end on Planet Earth. Throguhout history they were enforcers of decency among favored people, married at 15 and used to contain men's behavior in the context of society, and as we slipped into the indecency of patriarchy the women relinquished control,
The gods did this all to you. They used their tool of xtainity to achieve it. And it fits their agenda for decay, allowing them to ultimately justify Apocalypse.

Don't forget:::Whether war, slavery, torture, any holocaust, crack babies, drive by shootings, AIDS or any other misery inflicted on mankind throughout history know the gods did this to you for evil of your past lives.
The gods are control freaks who micromanage through their technology. The "Man in the Moon" feature illustrating their benevolence quite frankly is inaccurate in the dying days of this or any planet.

The symbol of the false god Jesus is a cross.
The symbol of the gods is a star, perhaps with a circle.

A victim of the god's irresponsible use of their power::::
The gods selected their prophets, used their powers to make it happen, abandoned their prophets and left them stranded to die.
Considered necessary for positioning despite destroying my youth and my life, taking my health was a fatal mistake.
-The exploited. The gods suggest they will only telepathically admitt any of this is true (based on level of favor) only after I die.

You fuckers need an epiphany. Like the species die-off wasn't enough? How about when we experience an massive closure of church accross the country??

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i am glad to see your post very touchy post u have shared thanks for sharing God bless u and ur Emma rose

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